Eating Disorders Don't Always Look the Way We Expect: Recognizing the Signs in a Loved One
When we think about eating disorders, we often have a very specific image in mind of what someone struggling looks like. The reality is that eating disorders do not have a "look." They can affect people of all ages, body sizes, genders, and backgrounds.
This can make it difficult to recognize when someone you care about is struggling. Sometimes the signs are subtle, and other times they may look like changes that are easy to dismiss or explain away. Knowing what to look for can help you offer support and encourage someone to get the care they deserve.
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that impact much more than food. They can affect someone's thoughts, emotions, relationships, and daily life. While every person's experience is different, there are some common signs that may indicate someone is struggling.
Changes Around Food
One of the most noticeable changes may be related to eating habits. This can look different for everyone and may include:
Avoiding certain foods or entire food groups
Becoming increasingly rigid about what they will or will not eat
Skipping meals or frequently saying they already ate
Increased anxiety, guilt, or distress around eating
Becoming more focused on ingredients, calories, or nutrition rules
Eating differently around others compared to when they are alone
It is important to remember that eating disorders are not always about wanting to lose weight. For some individuals, including those struggling with ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), food avoidance may be related to sensory sensitivities, fear of certain consequences of eating, or a lack of interest in food.
Changes in Exercise or Movement
Exercise can be a healthy part of someone's life, but it can become concerning when it is driven by guilt, fear, or a need to compensate for eating.
Some signs may include:
Feeling distressed when unable to exercise
Exercising despite injury, illness, or exhaustion
Becoming focused on "earning" food or burning calories
Spending increasing amounts of time exercising
Feeling anxious or upset when routines are disrupted
Increased Focus on Body Image
Most people experience moments of insecurity about their bodies. However, eating disorder thoughts often involve a significant amount of distress, preoccupation, or behaviors that interfere with daily life.
Some signs may include:
Frequent negative comments about their body
Comparing themselves to others often
Increased body checking (such as frequent mirror checking, weighing themselves, or focusing on specific body parts)
Avoiding certain clothing, activities, or situations because of body concerns
Feeling distressed after seeing photos of themselves
Emotional and Behavioral Changes
Eating disorders impact more than eating behaviors. You may notice changes in someone's mood, relationships, or daily functioning.
Some signs may include:
Increased anxiety, irritability, or sadness
Becoming more withdrawn or isolated
Increased perfectionism or a strong need for control
Difficulty concentrating
Avoiding social situations involving food
Seeming overwhelmed by changes or uncertainty
What If You Are Concerned About Someone You Love?
If you notice changes, it can be easy to focus on the food or behaviors you are seeing. However, approaching someone with curiosity and compassion is often the most helpful first step.
Rather than saying:
"You need to eat more."
"You look too thin."
"Are you trying to lose weight?"
Try starting with:
"I've noticed you've seemed more stressed lately, and I wanted to check in. How have you been feeling?"
"I've noticed some changes recently, and I want you to know I'm here if you want to talk."
"I've been thinking about you and wanted to see how things have been going."
The goal is not to force someone to open up before they are ready. The goal is to create a safe space where they feel supported and know they do not have to navigate things alone.
If you are concerned about yourself or someone you love, reaching out for support can be an important first step. Click the link below to learn more about my therapy services, schedule an initial consultation, and see if we're a good fit.
Healing is possible, and no one has to navigate an eating disorder alone.
